Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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