before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
