sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
