I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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