you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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