Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
