So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
