Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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