you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
