He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
