God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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