go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
