started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
