she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
