genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.