My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?