but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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