it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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