PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you never un-have a 4some
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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