Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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