I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
