OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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