Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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