Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
