I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
