You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
