How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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