and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
