How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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