Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
