Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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