i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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