somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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