pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
