Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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