i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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