Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
