If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
