she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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