there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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