I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
