Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
