Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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