I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
