I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
