So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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