Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
