there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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