Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
