1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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