we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
