yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
