i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
