I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
