Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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