I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How external is "for external use only"?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
