I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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