She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
