I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
