so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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