Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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