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• (703): View more from Virginia

  maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i did. i'm using it as a microphone.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  im not talking about this

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me

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• (516): View more from New York

  yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Will you skip merrily into hell with me?

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