If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
