i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
