literally had 100 drinks last night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
time to smoke my breakfast
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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