I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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